The night before G died, we got him comfortable for the first time in at least a week. I had spent much of the previous day on the phone...

One of the unexpected effects of G's death is that I'm getting to know myself. That question: Who am I? Who am I when it's just me? Who...

Thanksgiving. My first one without G since he came with me to Massachusetts in 2006. He had just had his first cardiac arrest,...

I've been distracting myself lately. Day dreaming about a future that could be. Imagining myself in a new relationship. Rescued in a...

My rings. I'm so aware of them lately. My hands tell you that I am married. Unavailable. I have a husband. He is here - present...

I'm always looking for an escape route. When G was sick, it was sometimes denial, sometimes anger, sometimes fantasizing about what life...

"For my father and my mother have forsaken me, but the LORD will take me in." I feel forsaken sometimes. Alone. Forgotten maybe - but...

One of the hardest parts of grief lately is realizing that I have to let go of G. I have to let go of our relationship and the life we...

Grief feels like nausea. A heaviness in my chest. A desire to ignore the obvious: G is gone. Grief is too hard to be faced. So I...

For Grief Share, I'm supposed to journal about what I miss the most about G. It's hard to even know where to begin. I miss his presence...

I need margin in my life. It feels like a rat race. Being a solo parent. Working. Doing life alone. It is relentless. Part of it is...

Today is P's first day of school - ever. He's been homeschooled up until now, but homeschooling isn't an option for widows (at least...

Today is Wednesday and G's Memorial Service is on Saturday. 3 days. Yesterday, P and I went to our church for a final planning meeting...

G's Memorial Service is in 5 days. Last week I cried a lot just thinking about it. My grief felt so raw. The reality that he is really...

One of the things that comes with outliving your spouse, especially at a young age like me, is the necessity to keep going. If I was 88...

I spend a lot of time feeling alone. There's a type of aloneness that comes with losing a spouse that is hard to explain. It permeates...

We're at our favorite beach in OBX this week with G's brothers. I knew it was going to be a mix of fun and hard, but it's different than...

G loved the 4th of July. Not because he was very patriotic but because he loved fireworks. As a kid, he poured over fireworks catalogs,...

Today marks our 14th anniversary. G isn't here but I still feel married to him in my heart. I wear my rings and cannot imagine taking...

It's our first Father's Day without G. I woke up feeling numb to this. Yesterday was full of grief and sorrow. A wave of grief hit. So...