Countdown Continues

Today is Wednesday and G's Memorial Service is on Saturday.

3 days.

Yesterday, P and I went to our church for a final planning meeting for G's service. It is going to be beautiful.

I felt so many emotions yesterday leading up to that meeting. I sobbed - that gut-wrenching type of sob- for the first time in a long time. There are some awful things we have to do in this life, and saying goodbye to your spouse is one of them.

I wish I could prolong time because it feels like I'm losing G again. Like this is the time when we all acknowledge that he died and my life is forever changed. I wish we never had to do it and I wish 5,000 people were coming at the same time.

4 family members have let me know in the last two days that they can't come for health reasons. I'm sad because I wanted their presence - in some ways felt that I needed their support. And I'm sad because that's 4 less people at G's service. The number who comes doesn't = how important his life was, I know that in my head. But it feels like this last moment to say - he mattered!! Remember who he was to you! Look at how he didn't waste his life!

Yet Jesus was forsaken by all but a few. So one's greatness, one's worthiness, one's purpose is not determined by a crowd standing up and saying "You Matter" but by our Heavenly Father giving us breathe and eternal life and ordaining every day for his purpose. I need to remember that. No matter how many people come, G's life mattered to God.