Not Forsaken

"For my father and my mother have forsaken me, but the LORD will take me in."

I feel forsaken sometimes. Alone. Forgotten maybe - but on my own, definitely.

G was my husband, my partner. He saw me in a way that no one else did. He knew me intimately. There are parts of my personality that only came out in the comfort of our marriage - the silliness, the inappropriate jokes, the statements that I would never say to anyone else but only in the total love and acceptance and safety of our marriage.

Not only has that whole part of my life and relationship disappeared with him, but I am on my own.

I felt that sadness and weight this morning when UT confirmed that he and his girlfriend are moving. They've been living 40 minutes away from us since August. Which should have been amazing, except that their jobs made their lives unbearable and we barely got to see them. But just having them nearby is a comfort.

And I felt forsaken. Forsaken because G would never choose a job over us. He would always do the opposite. Forsaken because it makes me feel alone. They hope to move back to my state or a neighboring state in the next 6 months - 3 years. Yeah right, I want to scoff. You fooled me once.

That's part of the pain of losing a spouse. You are no one's priority, no one's "people". Others make their own decisions - as they should - for themselves and the loved ones they have to care for. But where does that leave us? Alone. An after thought. Nice to help if possible, but priorities lay elsewhere.

But then God reminded me of the truth I need to know: I am not forsaken.

If family forsakes me, the Lord will not. Even my mother and father who love me can't and haven't been there the way I wish they were - but Jesus has not left my side.

People may forsake me. They will move away. Forget my pain. Take for granted that we are okay.

I may be "on my own" but I am never alone. I am never forsaken. I have a home in Christ. I have a friend that is closer than a brother in Jesus. I have Jesus. I am not forsaken. I will not be forsaken. It's never just me - it's me + Jesus shouldering the yoke of my life together. Except he's doing all the work. I can rest. His yoke is easy and his burden is light - when I rest in him.

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." - Matthew 11: 28-30