I've been reading through the blog we kept when G was waiting for his transplant. It is surreal. Sept. 30, 2010 I wrote all about his...

I feel angry. Furiously angry. Like it's welling up in my gut and has no place to go. There words feel too tame. I feel sick with...

Why is a big question. And it's one I don't like to ask. Because there aren't any answers on this side of Heaven. Why did G die? Why...

I'm sitting at Panera this morning and there's a couple outside the window. Neither are wearing wedding rings. Both are probably in...

Over the past couple months - maybe longer - I've become a bit obsessed with Jim and Elisabeth Elliot. I've known of them and their...

Looking at G's life, you wouldn't think that he had been delivered from trouble. Trouble seemed to be a present companion. Abused as a...

For years, the story of Lazarus in the Bible has stood out to me. A friend of Jesus' becomes ill - deathly ill. Jesus is a mere 20 miles...

One year ago, I woke up a little early, surprised to find G standing by the bed and a light on. He was restless and told me he'd been...

Otherwise known at 364 days after G died. His favorite way to refer to someone who loved Jesus dying and going to be with him was...

It's been almost 1 year since G died. I have so many mixed emotions and so many confused thoughts. On one hand, this has felt like the...

One year ago, I could never have imagined what this next week would bring. One year ago was a normal Saturday. Sure, one affected by G...

Nerds Rope was G's favorite candy to get in his Christmas stocking. I learned this the first Christmas we spent together at his family's...

The night before G died, we got him comfortable for the first time in at least a week. I had spent much of the previous day on the phone...

I called the hospital's billing department this morning, thinking there was a simple clerical mistake. I had paid a bill - a bill that I...

Thanksgiving. My first one without G since he came with me to Massachusetts in 2006. He had just had his first cardiac arrest,...

My rings. I'm so aware of them lately. My hands tell you that I am married. Unavailable. I have a husband. He is here - present...

This morning, as I spent time reading the Psalms and listening to my favorite podcast - some new perspective came to mind that I felt I...

Grief feels like nausea. A heaviness in my chest. A desire to ignore the obvious: G is gone. Grief is too hard to be faced. So I...

I remember that I ran into my neighbor - I think it was on the way to the hospital or maybe when I was outside on the phone with the...

September 28, 2020 is a day I won't forget. Looking back now, I see it as the beginning of the end. Yes, G had been hospitalized in...