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Green Leaf

CONFESSIONS OF A LIKELY WIDOW

A Young Widow's Reflections on Chronic Illness, Loss, Grief and Faith

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Sleep and a Break

I slept for 10 hours last night. What a difference it makes to not be in our room, our home, our bed. Everything at night screams G's...

First Trip

I haven't posted in a while - this week was crazy. It was our first week home alone since G died and it was utterly exhausting. I don't...

Day 2

Our second day on our own found me lying face down in the snow crying at one point. Because the whole morning was a battle of the wills...

Regret

Regret is hard. Looking back at the day G died, the week G died, the months before G died, I wish I could change some of the things I...

Burning in My Chest

Every night I look at pictures. Starting in 2007 (the ones on this computer), I've been going through - adding them to special memory...

It's Hard to Care

Grief affects everything. I am usually very moved by the people around me - caring about their struggles, sympathetic to their worries,...

Morning Mercies

I usually write these posts at night. Night time is when the grief hits the hardest. My busyness has run its course. I've finally...

What I'm Dreading

Coming home to an empty house The 2 month anniversary of G's death Valentine's Day - he always bought me my favorite Godiva truffles the...

Dinner for 2

Tonight is our second night at home alone - just me and P. We were busy with driving my mom part way home, grocery deliveries, playing,...

Fear

Fear is an old enemy of mine. But it's raised its ugly head lately. My husband died. It feels like all bets are off. Trust God. But my...

A Pretty Good Day

Today was the first day in a long time that felt like it went pretty good: Pancakes for breakfast (P's request) Read more of The Grieving...

Crying with a Stranger

"If your son doesn't get into our school, would you be homeschooling again next year?" "No, I can't. My husband died." Ugh, how I wish...

Waves of Grief

The last few days have been full of stuff to do. Mostly applications for private school for P next fall. Another hard reality to face -...

First Night Alone

Tonight will be our first night home alone since G died. UN left this morning and my parents come late tomorrow. Lots of friends are...

Depression

The depression is starting to hit. I think about doing things like writing a thank you note or making a meal and it feels like I can't...

Mornings

I remember the sound of his footsteps on the stairs. The slow, heavy, methodical steps in the morning and the sounds of our creaky...

Our Anniversaries Now

Today is our first anniversary after G died - the one month anniversary of his death. I hate that all of our special days and all of our...

One Month

This morning is one month since G died. One month since I woke up to find he was already awake - he was having such trouble sleeping...

Trying to feel close

Tomorrow will be the one month anniversary of G's death. Even as I write that sentence it doesn't feel real. I realized today that I am...

I Don't Want Your Money

I feel numb. I feel numb when I open a card and there is money inside. I know that I SHOULD feel thankful. I SHOULD be grateful for...

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