Fear

Fear is an old enemy of mine. But it's raised its ugly head lately.

My husband died. It feels like all bets are off.

Trust God. But my husband died. The worst happened. Yes, I can see how God was with me every step of the way. He promised to never leave me or forsake me and he hasn't. His mercies have been new. He has strengthened me. He took care of G even as he was dying. He arranged it so that UN and UT and me and P were all home with G. He took G quickly so that his suffering during the active dying process wasn't long. He somehow got us through arrangements and burial and viewing and Christmas and New Years Eve and each day in between and since.

So here's where I'm at. I am afraid of losing my son.

It's snowing out today and a friend is coming over to take P out into the snow. But what if something happens to P? What if there's an accident? Would God carry us through? Yes. Could I survive if P died? Yes. But the fear is that I know that there are no guarantees. Children die. Accidents happen. Children become orphans. People are disabled. Children get abducted.

One of my favorite singers wrote, "The world is just as scary as I thought it was but your love makes me braver still. Your love makes me braver."

I need that Lord. The world IS just as scary as I thought it was. Maybe even more so. Can your perfect love cast out my fear? Can you make me brave as I remember that you are WITH me?

Jesus, you lost your earthly father. Your mother was widowed. You know what this is like. And you are with me. Help me to be brave. Your mother had to lose her son too. Her heart broke but she survived- and she followed you. Allowing these things to happen isn't a sign that you've forsaken us. Your plan is bigger. You are working. Eternity.

Eternity. Help me to focus on eternity without losing my will to live this life to serve you in the meantime.