Grief is exhausting. This morning I was on a video call for an hour and a half listening to stories of how G impacted people's lives and...

The final pine tree near our townhouse was cut down today. G loved those trees. G loved trees. Anything big and mighty and old -...

I'm so thankful for counseling. It's hard. But good for me to gain perspective - especially with the disappointment I received...

One of the crappy parts of grieving is broken promises. Today I got the hard news that UN and AA won't be moving to our town. In...

Every night before bed we would say this to each other: Goodnight I love you Best friends Marry you again Keesh In the last few weeks...

I feel so much pressure to be mom & dad to P. Not pressure from the outside, but pressure because I am seeing more clearly than ever how...

A couple days ago I found the DVD of our wedding. We hadn't watched it in years - a decade maybe? I was struck by so many things. How...

I'm no one's priority. I used to be G's. There was someone who thought of me. Prioritized me. Preferred me. Someone who was my...

It's been hard to sleep lately. It's hard to fall asleep. Night is finally my time alone, my time to process, and sometimes my time to...

Last week I finally removed my toe nail polish. It had been on my toes since before G died. A few days later I put on new polish. From...

My counselor reminded me yet again that G's death was a severe mercy. In my grief and longing to see him again, it's easy to forget just...

This afternoon I Facetimed with an older widow. We hadn't met before but she works with the same organization as I do. We talked for an...

I saw more people than usual today. A lot of days it's just me and P. Those are hard days. Two hurting people dealing with loss. Today...

I wrote my first thank you note two days ago. My church has been amazing (it's hard in my head to switch from our to my - but I just did...

I constantly feel like I'm failing. As a mom. As a missionary. As a neighbor. As a daughter. As a recipient of gifts and kindness. My...

The sunrise is gorgeous here this morning. The sky is lit with oranges, pinks and purples. The kind of sunrise that doesn't even make...

There are so many things I want to remember. G's laugh - especially his ridiculous one that sounded like a single goose honk. All of...

This morning I heard about another woman who was widowed this week. She works for the same organization as me and has 3 kids. Her...

How is he really gone? My best friend. The love of my life. My husband. My safe place. The one who has always felt like home. The one who...

I miss having someone that I have inside jokes with. G and I would constantly catch each other's eyes across a table, a room, or a...