Older Widow

This afternoon I Facetimed with an older widow. We hadn't met before but she works with the same organization as I do. We talked for an hour and a half straight and it helped so much.

She lost her husband 3 years ago to brain cancer. Her kids (5 of them) were older - ranging from age 16-30. They knew he was going to die and she had friends helping stay with her around the time of his death. He fought his battle for 26 months.

So our circumstances are different. But she said so many things that I could relate to and vice versa. Like:

She doesn't eat dinner at the table when her kids aren't there. She can't do it without him.

There were rooms in her house she couldn't go into for months after he left.

Sleeping is hard. How do you sleep without the one you love? How do you wake up refreshed? She said that she sleeps on his side of the bed and that it helps her feel closer to him.

Learning to do some of the things he did makes him feel closer too (her example was mowing the yard which he loved to do).

He was the gregarious, outgoing, people-rallying one. She was more quiet.

He was the one involved full-time in ministry and she was still primarily focused on the kids, though they shared their ministry.

She knows the pressure felt to fill the shoes of the spouse that's gone but said it's impossible. Instead she tries to represent him well.

She said they talk about her husband a lot - especially her and her kids - and that he will always be a part of her life.

She talked about him and G being a part of the great cloud of witnesses. That they may not be "watching over us" or "looking down on us" the way people like to say but that they may be aware of events on earth and maybe God enables them to know what's going on with us too.

She's still grieving. She misses him. She tells friends about her grief and they don't get it (and they can't) but she still shares. She opens the curtain for them to peek inside.

There were so many things. I felt less alone. I felt like my pain is normal. And I didn't feel the pressure to heal or get over it. That was maybe the best part. It's been 3 years and its still painful for her. She's still grieving. Its okay for me to grieve. I'll be grieving for a long time.