Crying Over Nerds Rope

Nerds Rope was G's favorite candy to get in his Christmas stocking. I learned this the first Christmas we spent together at his family's home. Pretty sure I'd never even heard of Nerds Rope before that! He and his brothers were crazy for it.

I doubt that I put it in his stocking every year but I certainly did in recent years. And he would always give one to P and UT if UT was spending Christmas with us.

Usually he would end up sharing bits of it with me and P because that's just who he was. When he delighted in something, he wanted to share it and spread the joy.Unless it was a meal he ordered at a restaurant or made at home. Then he was quite cagey!

I ordered a 24 pack of Nerds Rope this year off of Amazon, thinking it would be a great way to remember G. Giving it to our staff team, our family members who join us for Christmas, his brothers.

But now the Christmas party for my staff team is tomorrow. The first time we will go and G won't be there. And the thought of walking in with Nerds Rope instead of him makes me want to sob. What a terrible trade.

I'm going to do it anyway. Because maybe I do need to sob. It's been hard to cry lately. I've felt "okay". Numb? Preoccupied with other things? Maybe the Nerd's Rope is exactly what I need - a good cry and a big acknowledgement that G isn't here and its sad and we miss him.