20 Minutes

By 4:45pm today I had left and returned to my house 4 times. It was a non-stop day of parenting and squeezing in school work and other responsibilities - including ordering the invitations for G's memorial service. I was caught between pushing forward or taking 20 minutes to relax.

I often feel like I need to squeeze every moment of baby-sitting-enabled alone time until I utilize it all well. Because either I'm paying for that time or I'm not paying except in relational capital with a friend. But I was mentally fried. So I took 20.

I did a stretch routine and listened to my "grief and hope" playlist on Spotify. It made all the difference in me being able to be a good mom the rest of the day.

We even had a nice time after dinner with P playing outside with friends and us both checking on our garden. We found a few radishes that were ready to harvest and P made a salad for us out of them as a "treat". It was nice to enjoy some time together and to just "be" after a day of rushing and to-dos and driving all over town.

Being a good mom in grief isn't just getting everything done. Once in a while it is taking 20 minutes to reset and refresh.