Identity Crisis

Who am I without G?

That's a question that's been coming up over and over again lately.

For 16 years my decisions were made in reference to him. We dated seriously from the beginning and he challenged so many of my preconceived notions about life and faith and what's normal in a family - in good ways that helped me to grow and mature. When we got married we merged our lives into one life. Anyone who knew us would say (rightfully so) that G had the stronger opinion and stronger personality. I tend to go with the flow and want peace at all costs. He had strong reasons for everything he did and compelling words to prove why they were right (or even if they weren't right - why he needed things done that way). I acquiesced a lot.

So now it's little things that catch me off guard and I have to think about. Do I like my hair short or long? G liked it long so I kept it long most of the time. How do I spend money? Will I resort to all the ways that I was taught growing up or was the new life and new patterns formed with G the way that I will proceed without him.

These are small things but it's big things too. Will I stay in our home? Our town? How will I interact with family?

I know who I am as G's wife. Who am I when it's just me? And how much of G will stay with me forever?