Grief Camp - Year 2

Yesterday P went to his second day-long grief camp, nearly a year after his first. I've tried to look back in my memory of what it was like when we went last year. I remember feeling nervous, uncertain, and a little excited to have a day to myself - my first not only since G had died but also since before COVID had begun!

P was nervous and I remember seeing pictures of him clinging to the teddy bear they gave to each child. He didn't share much but instead used the sign they gave the kids (crossing your arms over your torso) to signal that he would like them to skip him when it came to his turn.

It was a good day for him. A first step. A first time of meeting other kids who also had a daddy die. We got Panda Express takeout on the way home after stopping at a park to play a bit. I had spent the day wandering around the city after meeting with my mentor that morning. It was a big day - a good day - for us both.

While I can't fully remember that day, I do know we've come so far. P was excited for camp this year. Yes, he was a bit nervous as we finished our drive there, but he was comfortable and knew what to expect. He was one of only two returning kids. The leaders told me he really helped another younger boy feel comfortable. He shared, he participated, he was open.

When it came time for the closing ceremony, he didn't run up to me or hold onto me. He was glad to see me but also glad to be with his group.

Yesterday gave me hope for him. Hope that he is going to use this story - and the strength he is finding inside himself as he works through his grief - to help others. Hope that he will be proud of his dad and the life they had together and not feel less-than others because his dad isn't here. Hopeful that we will be able to remember and honor his dad and that it is good and right that we are doing so.

And I was proud of myself and how much I've grown too. I had a flat tire when we got to DC and handled it all by myself. It was stressful and led to a day very different than I had anticipated, but I did it. I have grown so much too. I am so much stronger than I was.

At the closing ceremony, another mom was there who was in tears. It was their first time participating in anything like this, though her husband had passed away 5 years ago. When I saw her, I remembered how I felt last year. So broken. So sad. So emotional. I don't feel that as much anymore. I'm starting to see that there is life and growth after this loss. That God is going to use our story and continue G's ministry through it. And that makes me glad. So glad.