Celebrating G

I've been having this really strong need to celebrate G lately.

I think part of it comes from looking at old pictures. I've found thousands from when we were newly married and my goodness do I feel like I'm falling in love with him all over again!

Illness, surgeries, medications, side effects - I feel like in so many ways these things stole a piece of him from me. A big piece.

When we were young, he was so full of life and potential. He was so romantic and regularly swept me off my feet. I couldn't have found a more loving, kind, gentle, patient man. But he was also passionate about God, fiercely held onto his beliefs, and could make me laugh (and other people too) harder than anyone else.

It's weird how suffering burned away so much sin, so much dross. It worked as God said suffering will. It produced perseverance and character and hope. But it also wore him out, exhaust him, aged him, slowed him, hurt him, wounded him, changed him.

It's like God had to do the worst to get what is best. God allowed G to lose his health, his excitement, his fun, his extroversion, his energy, his youth, and ultimately his earthly life - all while giving him a faith that was tested by fire and refined like gold. It is the suffering in his life that God used to impact so many lives. And its the suffering that stole part of the man I fell in love with.

I long to see him now. In Heaven. His youth and energy and life and wholeness restored - to an extent that must make our early pictures smell like death. But at the same time, with his character transformed to be like Christ. G as he was always meant to be. Beautiful externally, beautiful eternally. Basking in God's presence.

What will it be like to see him again? What is love like in Heaven? What is our relationship with our spouse like in Heaven? I know there is no marriage in Heaven but I cannot imagine that the bond that God gave us that made us one flesh in his sight here is broken then. Will I get to hug him? Hold him? Tell him about life after he died? Reminisce with him about the old days. Hold his hand when P joins us (if P follows Jesus)? I sure hope so. What I wouldn't give to hold him now. To climb a mountain with him. To give him a big old kiss on the lips.

I love you always and forever G. You have my whole heart <3