A New Direction

I feel like God is leading me in a new direction.

I've been trying to hold on to the life that I had with G. As if holding on to that life was somehow the same as holding on to him.

This summer really helped me to step back from the endless frantic pace of keeping up with life and begin to reflect. And as I reflected, I started to see that this isn't working.

I am not G. I don't have his giftings, I don't have his desires. And I don't think that God left me here so that I could live G's life. And if He didn't want things to change, he would've left G here with us, wouldn't he?

So I'm trying to figure out who I am. What I'm called to. Why God made me. Why he left me here, alone, in this season.

Today I listened to a lecture by Dan Allender and he said something about our calling being related to our scars. Well I've got scars and I helped to carry G's scars for years.

I'm passionate about: trauma, the Gospel, Christians not giving crappy and unhelpful answers about suffering, counseling, honesty, transparency, healing, wholeness, looking better and getting worse, heart transplants, marriages struggling due to long-term illness.

I'm not sure what God is going to do. But I do think He's going to do something. And that right there tells me that he is beginning to restore my hope.