Starting out

It's been more than 10 years since I was ushered into a community that I never meant to be a part of - a community of women who live their lives with the constant awareness that they will at some point be widowed. You might be thinking that statistically, that is most women. But the community I'm referring to is that of the young widow. The one whose husband dies long before they sit side by side on their rocking chairs or send their kids off to college.

My husband has been dying since we were engaged. It began with cardiac arrests and being life-flighted, it moved on to an unknown diagnosis, followed by lots of near-death experiences, hospital procedures, ER visits, surgery, heart failure, and that fateful day when our primary care doctor called us in to tell us that either his liver or his heart was dying.

Then it was a misdiagnosis, a sternotomy, going on the heart transplant waiting list, and finally, a heart transplant. If this was a movie, we would've lived happily ever after once he received his new heart. But this is real life and in some ways that was only the beginning of the struggle.

Part of the hardship of this journey is that it began in our early 20s. At the time that our friends were full of hopes and dreams, new adventures, welcoming babies and traveling the world, we were dealing with issues that are usually dealt with in one's 50s and 60s.

It's been a lonely road.

So why am I starting out on this journey of blogging? So that your road isn't as lonely as mine has been. This is a place where I will confess my struggles and hardships - how difficult suffering can be - and also confess the goodness and faithfulness of God and what I've learned about him along the way.

I'm not sure where this journey will lead, but if you too find yourself part of a community that you never wanted to be a part of, I'm glad we can walk it together.

xoxo