Now What?

Another date that will be forever marked - July 24th, the day of G's Memorial Service.

Now what? When my sister left the following evening, and it was just me and P again, I stood outside watering our grass - that grass that G wanted so badly to be nice and the neighborhood association finally seeded on Sept. 28th - the day he was in the ER for rapid heart beats- that question just kept ringing in my head.

Because it's been 7 months and I can only do life one day at a time still. Because the future is no something that I can think about without feeling overwhelming despair. Because sometimes I hope that a car crash occurs that takes me and P out and we can be home with Jesus and G.

I think that some people have closure, but I don't.

I know that I look okay on the outside, but I'm not.

My heart is broken and raw.

My life has changed in every single facet.

Parts of G are fading and it scares me. I'm so glad to have pictures and especially videos. Does anyone realize how precious those things are? I will spend all the money to never have to delete one. hey are my treasure. These moments I can't get back.

All I want to do is think about the past. Be in the past. It was hard, but he was here.